It's just a couple of weeks now...
My palms sweat a lot now. Sometimes I look into the beautiful eyes of one of my kids and my heart races. I love them and I don't want to be away from them. Sometimes I look at my wife, while she sleeps, and I am overwhelmed by how wonderful she is; and I am addicted. I don't know how I will live without her. She is a part of who I am now. -My heart in two places- I am increasingly excited. In two short weeks I will be making the kind of progress toward providing for my family that a man needs to in order to be psychologically whole. Every step I take in every march I march will be a progressive step toward provision. Every hard breath I breathe while I run will be a gasp of pleasure because I will be working honorably and my conscious will be eased. I will be doing. I will be yelled at and my heart will not be trodden upon; I will be invigorated because there is love behind my willful discomfort. I have the pleasure of enduring for the cause of my family. I have the honor of serving my country. I have the honor of standing up, in practical ways, for this country and against ideologies that seek to corrode the precepts upon which it was founded. My soul is at peace; my heart is anticipatory. I am thrilled.
My only insecurity lies within the unknown of what I may have not yet done. Did I tell Samuel what he needs to know to be prepared for when I am not there. Have I imparted enough into him yet- I know he knows I love him... Do I know for sure that the girls know that Daddy thinks they are the most beautiful girls that ever existed (besides their mom). Will the impression I have left on Uriah be enough for him to remember me when I next see him? I've tried to explain it, but can I be sure that they all understand that I will be gone for them- and that I am not abandoning them? Do they understand that the only thing that could pull me away from them is my love for them? They say they get it... Good thing I have the Holy Spirit to whom I can appeal to make my heart known to them. Have I prepared properly for Tiffanie while I am gone? I think the plan will work.
It's going to be okay. My mom would've been proud. My dad is honored and proud of me and what I have become, the family I have created, and my choices.
After reviewing what I just wrote, it sounds kind of like a farewell. It isn't though. It is just how I feel right now. Look out 'cause I will be back before you know it... and with a vengeance.
5 comments:
You are blessed, Adam.
I know you may have to physically force yourself to leave on the 17th, because Tiffanie is half of you and your kids are your heart, but you do have the strength to do it in the name of Love. I can't see a possible way your kids will be negatively effected from this- they love you unconditionally.
You're right- you, and your family, will soon be back with a vengance. God will be with you every moment- it is for His glory.
If there is anything Franklin or I can do for Tiffanie while she is here, you know we will!!! We love and support your family...with a sincere honor to do so.
I'm not sure how anyone can read this without shedding a tear or two or 100s. I love you big brother & I'm proud of you!
Good luck at boot camp, Adam. You have the right attitude to make it through and I know there are a lot of people pulling for you.
Godspeed my friend. Can't wait to see you again! As a new father myself, it absolutely breaks my heart to know what you must be feeling. What a most difficult and couragous decision you've had to make! For as long as your family is under our roof, they'll not forget what a hero you are.
Joe
Thank you, Joe!
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