PFC Marquez

I will have been in the army for one year on August 17th. It was a year ago that I had sweaty palms, accelerated heart beat, and an inability to sleep. It was a year ago that I dreaded leaving my family and dreaded the unknown of basic training. I was scared of giving up the last bit of control in my life that I had. It had been a rough couple of years and in ways it was just about to get more difficult. In ways, however, it became so much easier.

I don't know how I would've made it the night before I left without B taking me out to smoke a cigar. It is customary for recruits to check into an appointed hotel the night before and then to leave early in the morning. I had already said my goodbyes and was going crazy with anxiety. B showed up and bought me a cigar, and just sat with me. The simplicity of his actions brought the profundity of God's grace. And because of that, I was okay.

My decision to join the Army has been questioned. It must seem strange that a free-spirit individual, such as myself, would hand my autonomy over in exchange for temporary security. I am dogmatic about my beliefs. The Army, especially under this administration, seems to stand in stark contrast to many of those ideals. Let's face it, the Army, as hard as it tries (it does try), is not really environmentally friendly. In fighting for Liberty, it kind of, by definition, takes it away. Name the category and it seems to be an unnatural fit for me. I have also been asked why I am not in the full time ministry. I have always felt guilty being payed to point people in the direction of something that is given freely. So here's the deal: I choose to think of this as ministry-as-vocation. I am getting paid while I help out whoever needs it. Wherever we find ourselves stationed in life, that is where we bring our beliefs and ideals. It is our present to which we bring what we have and to which we make our stands against darkness. It is not within our comfort zones that we find the need for tending but outside that needs our care.

It has been a year now, and I have endured many undesirable things (it really wasn't that bad) and have things like deployment as hurdles for the future. There is a kind of comfort, however, that I enjoy these days. A comfort in knowing that my family is taken care of, a comfort in falling into the regimental lifestyle which the Army provides. For the first time in my life, there is much rest in not having the uncertainty of the "next year" about which to worry. I am thankful for mine and my family's health, I am thankful for grace. I am thankful for the hope and opportunity that have come with my decision to join the Army.