Theo Has Arrived! The Narrative Takes on Unexpected Changes

When Tiffanie first started talking about having “one last baby” I was apprehensive.  The last two births left me shaky.  Uriah came with a phrase that shook me: “That doesn’t feel right!”  He came healthy and Tiffanie was fine, but I had never heard that particular form of concern come from my wife before.  Victoria came with more blood than I had seen in the past births and it freaked me out.  So when one more was in the talks I was concerned to say the least.  The moment we discovered that Tiffanie was pregnant, I made plans to do what I had been putting off for years and met with the Army surgeon who had the best reputation for vasectomies.  Tiffanie was concerned about me through the whole pregnancy.  Where I was usually excited and doting, I was nervous and tense this time.  I was stressed out with things like leaving the Army, procuring housing and some kind of stable income.  There was the move, five kids, enrolling in school and becoming a student all over again for worry fodder.  Things were happening all too fast.  But, none of that stressed me out as much as a feeling I couldn’t shake.  In the back of my mind and heart there was a constant nagging sense that something tragic was going to take place.  In those days I slept lightly and prayed often: “Lord, please don’t let my wife die, please don’t let the baby die, please ensure that the baby is born in good health.  I kept sensing impending calamity and it killed the joy I had with all the other pregnancies.  I didn’t want to worry Tiffanie or freak her out so I kept it mostly to myself.  As the months went on and we started settling in, Tiffanie often asked me, out of aggravation, why I was so distant.  It killed me to be distant but I didn’t know how not to be.  I didn’t want to do or say anything that would scare her.  Meanwhile, Tiffanie was fantasizing and planning the ultimate birthing experience.  We were to have a home-birth complete with a children’s blow-up (birthing) pool in the bedroom.

Everything was perfect.  People had sent beautiful, sentimental art that Tiffanie lovingly hung in our room for the occasion.  We were surrounded with the loving support of each of our friends, expressed in his or her own way.  I was settled into school and work life, and we were living in a beautiful home that was sized perfectly for our large family.  Money was not abundant, but it was stable and we were okay.  Life had certainly been more stressful in the past but I struggled to get into the moment.  Besides my gut feeling of danger, I was full of worry because I had been ill, complete with alternating chills and sweats, for two weeks previously to the night our son was to be born.  In an effort to savor our final experience of birthing, Tiffanie insisted that we not find out the gender of the baby until birth.  We had chosen Liberty Hope as our female name and Theo Emmanuel as our male name.  Actually, it’s officially Theophanies Emmanuel.  Tiffanie wanted Theo as a name, but I wasn’t sold on it.  Tiffanie favored it for its meaning: “Divine Gift.”  I agreed to Theo on the condition that we officially name him Theophanies but refer to him commonly as Theo. Theophanies is a reference to something theologians talk about; a preincarnate appearance of Jesus in the Old Testament (I’m a nerd, I know).  Emmanuel means: “God with us.”  He is our divine gift who appears in the narrative of our lives, in unexpected ways, bearing the presence of God.  -I am getting ahead of myself-  The birth was beautiful, amazing and perfect.  Theo appeared four hours after Tiffanie’s water broke and without even a push.  I was relieved and full of dread.  I just wasn’t convinced that things could go that perfectly without bad news too.  Theo's birth Told in Pictures

I didn’t sleep much the nights after Theo was born.  I was paranoid that I was going to make him sick and that he would end up in the hospital.  I listened to him breathe to make sure that he wasn’t struggling for air.  I hovered to make sure he was eating.  Eventually, I fell back into my routine.  I was at work when Tiffanie called me with a serious tone that doesn’t often come from her.  She is usually full of joy and one can normally hear the smiles in her voice even over the phone. This time their was no smile in her voice as she told me that the pediatrician was directing us to get a blood test that would determine whether or not Theo had Down Syndrome.  For the first time I was able to breathe a sigh of relief as the haunting feeling was assuaged.  I was finally able to comfort Tiffanie because I knew that this was it; there would be no death, no calamity filled stories of ill-health, no further reason to wonder.  A week later that blood test came back and confirmed that Theo has Down Syndrome.  The good and comforting news was that Theo is healthy in all the areas of concern for infants who have Down Syndrome.  Theo’s heart is healthy, his digestive system is healthy, his lungs are healthy.  Theo has been nursing since day one  (only about three percent of infants with Down Syndrome can nurse) and growing at a better than to be expected pace.  While we know that we will be facing many challenges, we are overjoyed to have the opportunity to add this amazing treasure to our family.  Our Theo is adored by his siblings.  He is our perfect little man.  

Theophanies (Theo) Emmanuel Marquez...  Ah, life is good.  Our family is complete.     

Our friend Taryn Quintana is a photographer.  She lovingly and skillfully captured our beautiful home birth in series of images (don't worry guys, there isn't anything too scary to see).  She has them posted on her Shine Images Facebook page:  Theo's Birth Told in Pictures